God is much closer than you think and the chaos is natural. Maybe it sounds stupid but i like the chaos. I love the uncertainty of what my life may hold. Being single, being lost in a world of hatred and love and mixed emotion. What is real and what is not. God is real or at least that is what i want to think for today at least. But for everything that is not natural or normal I doubt the existence of God. What are you supposed to believe when you have a crappy day, or a crappy year? Are you supposed to say Man my god is good he allowed so and so to happen to mary lou or something of that nature. I dont believe it. I know i should but as i get older i dont think god is who he says he is. There is no defining point. Ive read the bible ive gone to church. I believe the bible i just dont believe god. There is much more to this but im stopping here..im out of words for now.