UPDATE ON LIFE!!!!

So I was going through an old bible of mine from when I was in high school. What i found was rather interesting. It was one of many letters I wrote to friends and never mailed. What was interesting is that I remembered everything that I wrote. It was STORM weekend. I think I was a sophmore. It is actually kind of bizarre that I remember that. It wasn't a bad weekend. It was good. Had a bit of spiritual growth during that weekend. However, it almost seems as if the growth was only momentary. As I'm looking back, I see that as with every chance I get to grow in God. It is only momentary. What I long for is a deeper connection with God.....I'm not sure I get any closer some days....other days I think I can see growth. My question was is, Is it spritual growth if you go forwards for awhile and then spiral backswards for awhile. I don't know, friends don't know. Only God knows I guess... I am going to say that you can have growth....growth just isn't always forward. Sometimes it is backwards. I have had a hard time try ing to figure that one out.....only because I don't see any type of growth as going backwards....I see it as forwards. But sometimes our walk with God is backtracked...by constant struggles or conflict. So as I read that note/letter from when I was in high school....it got me to thinking........How much have I really grown in Christ. Have I even grown at all. Others can see the growth...I, on the other hand, cannot see the growth.
Growth is hard and difficult but IS possible. I want to grow.....really.....but does God want me to grow.....I don't know right now.

So do I have aa ligitiment reason to worry? Maybe worrying about friends.......or some of the decisions in life.....about the children in my life....their safety....the list could go on. Honestly should I be stressing over this....probably not. But am I...that is the question......and I AM. It is easy to say that there are 52 synonyms for the word worry. Words I have never heard of....beleaguer...brood....dun....goad....vex...are just a few of them. Really should we be fixed on those words. I think not rather you should pick up your termoil....bagage and forget about it it just weighs you down. Realisticly can you focus on the overall goal with all the "baggage" in the way. I know I can't. it emotinally and physically weighs you down. But again who am i to say all of this....I can't even get through my messy life.....hmmmmm...maybe I should take my own words to heart.