ASOMBROSO!!

Amazing is a strong word. In spanish it is known as "asombroso". How can two different languages have such powerful meaning. Of course, it is the same word. I'm such a dork.
Well back to what I was saying. God can do some pretty powerful things for man. They never make any sense. Right now I am trying to figure why He allows my sister to become pregnant. It is not at all a good thing as she well thinks. She cannot manage right now for herself much in 7 months for another human being. I feel so rude but I want that child. I want to take it away from her after she gives birth. I know that I cannot take care it. I could but I am choosing not to. Like I said RUDE. I want this pregnancy to be erased. I have no say in the matter. I just need not to get attached as I have with my younger sisters pregnancy. SOmething could happen, she may not keep the child I don't know. This not about me though. Like I said God does some of the most amazing things. He also says in the word, "For I know the plansI have for you." Something like that. I don't read much. Maybe this child is a God thing. "MAYBE". I need to be quiet now.

Love you guys for reading. Don't comment I'm not used to it. OK.

Loss of Perspective

Have we lost all perspective of God? I was reminded the morning by a father-like figure. That just maybe perhaps we have lost perspective on God. Blaming God for everything that doesn't neccessarily go our way. We ask ourselves, " How can a God who loves us do such a thing to us?" It is not that he doesn't love us. In my opinion, I think maybe he is trying to tell us something. We just happen to take it out of context. It is too easy to become cynical about any one thing. But should constantly be that way. I'm afraid I do not think we should. You should instead become content in a sense. You cannot become content with God. That is not the purpose. Are we supposed we content with the church or God? According to a certain somebody, you know who you are, the church should be a place where you come to worship. Not a place where you are comfortable. I may have said that wrong. So then again if you are not coming to church to worship and you are not content with just being comfortable. Then why do you continue to keep coming if you know that it is not the right timing in your life. Stop putting yourself through the agony and the pain. Personally right know in my life. I would not be at the church. In my heart I know I need to be there. I know this because my life is not where it needs to be spiritually. I have been working on that constantly. But I know it is not right, yet I occasiionally still blame God on my misfortune and judgement. It is constantly a blaming game on god for everything I don't do right or for something I don't think is fair. Life was not meant to be easy, as I am learning the very difficult way. I thank God everyday for the friendships I have or don't have. For the people I know I can trust from day to day, from conversation to conversation. So again my question to you is, "How do we gain back perspective of God?"
Thanks guys for reading.

I'M MAD

Who is God? Is He understandable all the time? At times I'm not sure I understand why he allows certain situations to happen. Can I get over the anger to learn about God? It simply is the truth that I don't know who God is anymore. I still don't see how people say that their God is guarding them. When I have yet to see him gurading me and my family. I have lost all belief of God at this point in my life. Or maybe it was that maybe I never quite grasped the full understanding of God himself. How restore your faith in him if it seems that you have lost it? I have much gain with god in my life. But if I dont trust and believe in him there is no hope for me. What does He have in store for me? Am I to be a subconconscious paranoid? SHould I worry about stupid things? Should I angry at the church for silly things? Should I be angry all the time? Oh here's another question, should I be angry at myself all the time for my very unsuccessful life? It is truly my choice what happens to me in very uneventful so called life of mine.
Life is so short and yet we/I try so hard to be happy that I believe we just just make ourselves unhappy. Trying to be happy is just part of life. Happiness is overratted. (For me anyways) Seriously, why be happy. According to the people I work with, I am so unforgivingly unhappy, mad at everyone. Truly I am not. I seem to repeat myself over and over again. Why is that? Why can't people just listen to me and understand the words coming out of my poor pathetic mouth. Harsh words words I know. If you had as horrible of a day at work as I did. You too would be harsh. How can someone know me for so little of a time. Put words into my mouth. Rude. But maybe I'm rude. So my question now is, why should I care what God has in store me? Why should I make an effort to succeed? How do I not know that maybe my life will be cut short? Do I want it to be cut short? You answer that for me. Maybe the answer is yes and maybe it is no. Who knows. But for now maybe I should be content with the life that has been presented to me. Just be happy with the way things are playing out. Be happy with the stinky job. Be grateful that I love a God even though I'm mad at him for now. I can safely say, I don't understand the god I serve. Who does?
Please decipher this very rare very destructive view of God and life in itself.

The Next One!

So I read everyone elses' blog and I feel rather shallow. Like I don't have a brain sometimes or sometimes I feel undereduacted. Wait.....I am undereducated. But how can any one person judge themselves in such a way that is so degrading. How can anyone just not believe in themselves that they have to judge themselves on someone that is just two years older or someone that is fourteen years older than older than I.
I still have hope. I still have a chance of a bright future. Maybe not one in the near future. Maybe I just need to trust in God that He will chow me the way to future. Show me that I am bright and that I am smart. That I need not to judge myself unto others. John 7:24 simply puts it. "STOP judging by mere appearances, and MAKE a sound judgement." The Message, which some people don't necessarily like says, " Don't be nitpickers'; use your head-and heart!- to discern what is right, to test what is authentically right." Nonetheless, don't be picky about your education, looks, discernment. Rather do what is right.

Maybe I shall be quiet now. Goodnight, my friends!

GODLINESS!!!

What is godliness? I am not sure that anyone really knows. I think that we all, at some point in our lives, do not know answers to many questions of God. This being one of them.
I would define godliness as the expression of Jesus Christ in our lives. Godliness is the means of which God is made known through us. Know this was not an easy task to make this conclusion. As I am an undereducated woman. Yet the bible was designed for all to read and understand and comprehend what is being said.

Our sins have been dealt with by Christ and His righteousness imputed to us, the Holy Spirit is now within our lifes and it is His presence that enables us to overcome the desires of the world and to live victoriously for the Lord. If we lives after the world; the joy, peace and blessing of our Christian experience will wither and die, our lives will disintegrate and go to pieces--corrupt and die. On the other hand, our Christian lives will flourish and prosper, bearing the precious fruits of righteousness as we focus our attention on what God has done for us and is doing in us in Christ

In 2 Peter it clearly states what leads up to godliness and thereafter. Being in chapter 1 verse 6. It all begins with adding to your faith goodness. Persevering with goodness to gain knowledge. Gaining knowledge in the word of God to acheive self control. Attaining self control is not any easy task but managable. Acheiving self control to preservere. Once you perservere you attain godliness. Godliness is that of being like Christ so to say. Acheiving godliness to have brotherly love and kindness. The word of God says these shall keep you from being ineffective and/or unproductive in the knowledge of Jesus Christ. Yet without them you nearsighted and blind.
So again godliness is opening your heart, mind, and spirit to God. To allow him to work through you to reach the unreached. You may not be perfect, no one is and no one will ever be perfect. You can only try your best and accomplish the best.


So I am not sure I have made sense. But in my brain, I hae made complete sense. Thanks for listening. I shall have more up soon.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

So You Think I'm Normal?!?!

Well hello world-wide-web!!

It has been so long since I have posted on here and seems as if I have literally just died. I haven't thankfully because I have not fulfilled to fullest extent. Well in all honesty, I haven't known what to write about. I am twenty-two and am not as educated as most of the people I associate with. So with that being said, I feel a little ignorant when I speak around them. Then for them to actually read what I have written. It kind of makes me a little uncomfortable. So I have given up, if they don't like what I write in terms of education. Then, well, they don't have to read it. In the past few months I have been trying to figure out my life. How I have ended up where I am at. I have come to no conclusion. But it doesn't end there. Most of you that read this may not have any idea who I am or where I come from, how I feel or anything extravagant. So let me spend a little time trying to explain to you my past.

Well how about we start from Day 1 of my life. I was born on January twenty-seventh year nineteen hundred and eighty-four. I don't know what to call my biological parents know. But anyways, their names are or were Jodi and Bobby Long. I don't think of them too highly. Reason being is my mother was the sleeping around type of gal. When I was brought into this world she had already had twelve or so children. Which now kind of pisses me off because not only could not afford me or support me psychologically, she really did not even want me. As a newborn baby she did not care for me. My older brother cared for me. He fed me, changed my diaper, bathed me, burped me, etc....As he got older he wanted to go and be a kid so he would tak eme over to a neighbors house and she would take care of me then. She finally called the state and they came and took us and put us into the states custody. Keep in mind my brother was only seven years old. Well after we were put into the states custody my mother could still have visitation rights and when she had me she literally feed me on the ground with the animals. ( I would never in my wildest dreams ever feed my children on the ground.) Basically I was considered an animal or trash or mixture of both. So as a kid growing up I still had that in my head. I was a failure, a mistake, and a screwup. Anyways when I wa three years old, I was finally adopted by my parents I love considerably. I certainly would not be where I am with out them. When I was adopted I had nothing. No clothes, no shoes, no diapers. I had just the diaper on my bum. It really bothers me nowadays that I was nothing and had nothing. I also at the age of three was not pottytrained and could not even speak. By the time I was ready for pre-k, I could speak but I had a speach impediment. I slurred pretty much all my words. I felt like a complete outcast. I did get over the speach impediment with lots of speech therapy. Which by the way is not something a four year old wants to do. I graduated kindergarten. I was a smart kid. But when I was in Kindergarten, when we were told to take a nap I always would. But I always feared it. Even as a little kid I was afraid I wouldn't wake up. Kind of sucked but noone knew about that trauma. I would always keep that to myself. Wishing I hadn't though. Went through grade school with flying colors. One of the top students in most of my classes. However, I would go through yet another trauma: molestation. As a kid I never imagined I would get molested. I had already gone through a lot as a baby. And then as a adolescent, yeah not the best time of my life. Heres' the "kicker" I was always told that it was okay. I soon found out several years down the road that it was not God wanted it to be. That went on for three or so years. It is not something I want to count. Once that it stopped, I was so relieved. I wasn't being used anymore. A few years later it is time for junior high and lets just say it was a living hell. I did not want to be there. I spent most of seventh grade in OCS(on campus suspenon). But I liked it in there. I knew I would be safe and would not get into any trouble while I was in there. Eighth grade was the same way, I spent three quarters of the school in OCS. It totally rocked my world. I loved it. No changing classes, no pissing off the teachers or kids. However corporal punishment was still in use. I still got alot of paddles on the bum. Way too many to count. Ninth grade is finally here, yeah for high school. Ninth grade was the best year for high school. Hardly any trouble. I was being overly great for a change. Then it all changed tenth and both eleventh grade years were terrible. I was always getting into trouble. Not that I was a trouble maker, I just really didn't want to be there. I spent those three years in the alternative school. That too was pretty cool. The only down side was I had to walk to school. I finally make it through high school. But I could not exactly get the college thing down so I never went to college as of yet. So that was like two years ago. Since then I have done nothing to further my life. Just hanging out and making mistakes. Nothing extravagant.

So now comes another question, "How can a God of love, make a life so difficult?" I am not sure. I do not doubt His sovereignty. He is an awesome God. He has continued to love me through my ups and downs. He has loved me even when, at times, I have not loved Him. He truly is awesome. He also has continued to love even when I know He is talking directly to me, I turn my head and go the other way. He has tried to talk to me about my future. I finally obeying Him. But I have to take few steps int he right to begin. I for one have to turn my life over completely to Him. It's not difficult but at the same time it is not easy. I mean, all I have to say is He made me for a reason, He loved me for reason, and I am still here for a reason.

Back to my family history when I was just two, there was a fire and me and my older sister was in the house. I was got out with no injuries and my four year old sister was not so lucky. She did not make it out at all. I have been told over the years that I look so much like her. Not something I want to hear because I do not want anything to do with my OTHER family. If you know I mean. I did not grow up with them, I don not know them and kills me even more is that they call me by my name before I was adopted. But what do I say.

Well guys, thanks for listening to me. I'm not sure if you care or wonder about my past but I haven't really told any one in this description about my past.

Rose

Wreckage

how much car trouble can any one family have in a year??
well already one car totalled and one in the shop to be totalled and another in the shop to get fixed from engine trouble.
Bummer for us!! it will get better.
~rose

Welcome Home

Welcome is what we all say when you come home from a long trip. Well I feel like I have been gone forever from blogger world and feels so nice to be home. Bolgger is my mom and dad. Reason being is it listen and doen't talk back ad doesn't question your actions. You also can say whatever you would like. So nice to be home again.
Tenille I don't have a job anymore, I can't seem to shut my mouth. But i wasn't necesarlily cursing. Just the tone I was using. I am currently looking for a job and a car at the same time. Since I last spoke to you I lost my job and car and it feels like I have lost my life. I no longer have control over it. I need help and i know that but i refuse to talk to other people. Sounds like a personal problem.
By the way persons how did we roll in the new year so to say. I had an allright one i spent new years looking my father. I give up he doesn't care. But my heavenly father cares and that is all that matters now. My dad looks like me and evidentally acts like me a idiot who cares about only themselves accordingly. When do you stop caring about only yourself and start caring about others. Please someone give me a hint. In a sense I care about only myself. I care about my neice and nephew. Yes I said nephew, my little sister is having a boy according to the doctors. I was excited. (offtrack) Anyways I care about friends and my little ones but that would be about it. I care unconditionally about certain individuals who have crossed my paths in the past few years. When they don't speak to me for a few it makes me question life in itself. Life is what you make of it. Live it to your fullest. Don't make a fool of yourself. You only have one life and you can only live it once. So have a joyful life.
What else is there.................................... I am not too sure I am about all rambled out. Hope enjoyed my brain ramblings. Peace out.
`rose

TAG!!

Tenille tagged awhile agijust havent had time to sit down and do this.

1. Seven things to do before I die:

• Graduate college
• Get a REAL job
• Get married
• Have children
• Buy a house
• Buy a car
• Move out of the old folks home

2. Seven things I cannot or will not do:

• Have major surgery
• Read a book
• keep a job:)
• Pass a test
• Go snowboarding
• Go skiing
• Tag anyone else

3. Seven things that attract me to my signicant other or best friend:

• Smart
• Intelligent
• Polite
• Sweet and kind
• Phenominal
• Not dramatic
• Can take care of me

4. Seven things I say most often:

• Whatever
• Shut-up
• What are you doing
• How do I do this
• What do I do now
• Can I go home now
• Ill shut-up now

5. Seven books (or series) I love to read:

• I dont read any books

6. Seven movies I watch over and ovaer again:

• Interpretor
• Fifth Element
• Terminotors
• Cheaper by the dozen
• Assault on Precint 13th
• Lord of the Rings
• Artificial Intelligence

7. Seven people i want to join in:

• Reference question 2 number 7

Now that wasn't so bad but rather difficult if you want to ask me .

later

Life is Out of Control

Have you ever felt like someone or something was trying trying to get something through to you? The past few months have really been like that. I for some unknown reason have totally waived God off. Trying to do things my way. Even though I know I can't do anything without his help. This past week I totalled my car and lost my job. The week before my mother sat me down and told me that if I didn't straighten up, that God was going to somwhow come back and bite me the butt. Well he somehow did. Thanks for the warning mom. However before I lost the job, I felt oh my life is finally starting to straighten up. I got a job and kept and I halfway enjoyed the job. I guess i need to somehow get back to God and clean up a little bit. Love yall lots for reading.

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Life in General Rocks!!

Is life supposed to rock? I mean get real. There are things in life you want to do and things in life youwant to do but can't do. So I have been talking a little bit of trash about my little sister. However, she somewhat deserves it. As we all know, we all were raised in a christian home. If you are raised in a christian home, how can stray so far from God in just a matter of weeks. Not sure anyone can answer that question. Seriously, how can you say you love someone. Yet you can't figure ot whether or not she wants to be with her husband or with the ex-con. If it were me I wouldn't have to think twice. She wants so bad to be a part of Steven's life but she is so intent on destroying him right now. Most of you know that she wants him off of the birth certificate. What you don't know is that she only wants to do DNA testing on just two guys. However, there are three guys in the picture right now. How are you suppossed to know who the father is of Zoey if you aren't willing to test all the men. You honestly can't, but she is so self-centered right now that she really doesn't care. Enough about her drama. My drama is, well, I don't have any drama as of now. I guess I am of sane mind, as of now. I do however start work on Wednesday. I am a little relieved about working but I am going to miss not doing anything. You would after not working for so long I would want to work. Actually I do, I am just not so sure about working outside for 8 hours a day. That is going to be kind of rough. But it will be fun. I'm sure of it. Anyways, hope all is well with the blogger world and see you later blogger.

What do you do in certain situations?

As most of you well know, my kid sister is getting a divorce. However, she says her husband has changed dramatically over the past year and a half. I was shocked when he told that at first. Then I realized maybe it was not him that had changed but her. I'll try not to degrade her but the facts show that she has multiple affairs with multiple partners. WHich sickens me. How can you say you love someone and marry them and then do the most stupid and idiotic thing anyone has ever heard of. I guess the worst part of it is that she wants to take daughter and basically run from her family because she knows we do don't condone the decision she has made. Not only does she want to take her daughter and leave but she wants to keep he rdaughter around people who do drugs and that Zoey may be able to reach the drugs and intake the drugs. My parents are not going to let her mother take her down with her so they have stepped in as the savior and for now are keeping Zoey. That is until her mother can figure out how to get her own daughter back. Our family is just a mess. Just when you think everything is ok, things are not. I mean what exactly do you do if the mother wants to harm the child. That is what it all comes down to. Right now I guess our family could use a miracle on mommy and babys behalf. Thanks for reading my thoughts.

What do you do when you dont know what to do ? Who knows, I don't know what to do. If I did I probably wouldn't be writing this blog right now. Do you assume what you're doing is right thing. Do you do what is right even though your friends would make fun of you. But then again are they really your friends if they laugh at you for doing the right thing. I reckon not.

Then again what do you do when you don't know what you want to do with your life? I guess for someone that doesn't know what to do. They can let people who love them run them over. OR instead of letting people run you ove, you can ignore them. She only meant the best when she tells you that you are beginning to throw your life away. I mean what do you say to that. Really. Do you ignore it? I wanted to but began to realize she was right. You don't seem like you're throwing your life away. Other people, I guess, look at you in a different perspective. And that my friends really does scare me. IF others look at you in a different perspaective then what do they really think of you. Do they think you're rude, disrespectful, or even negative about every thing or even taking advantage of any one person. Enough balbbering I'm tired. Must sleep!!

I know it has been a while for me on blogger. I have been away periodically. Sorry. Not sure if you have missed me but I have missed all you guys.
So whats new with me. Not much here. I have been in much happier spirits lately. I am not sure why. My neice has turned one. YAh for Zoey. My sister had her on eyea anniversary. YEAH for Felicia and Steven. AS for me nothing is new with me.
By the way this article is meant for TRACIE. If you're not Tracie don't worry about it I'll write you one in a few days. I'm back in case you're wondering.

so i havent written lately and dont think anyone checks this thing any ways!

What does my future really hold?

So I was intructed to write a post about my so called future. It is to consist of what I would or should be doing in one year, in five years, and in ten years. Ok, so this really isn't what I want to be writing about. But she seems to think it will help me. Ok, Whatever!! As you can tell I don't think so. I am not so sure what the future holds for me. But I guess I could quit blabbering and actually write this darn thing.
Ok, in a year, what will I be doing or hopefully doing. Hopefully I will be attending the college of my choice. But we all know that will not happen. So therefore, I will be attending Tarrant County College for the time being. I will be attending this college pursuing a degree of elementary education. I will hopefully be in a steady job, living on my own. My parents will be sad but I have to move on sometime. I do believe that is what I will be doing in one year.
As for five years. I am not so sure, for real. Maybe I would have attended my college of my choice, Texas Tech. I would have already graduated with a degree. A bachelor in education, or something to that effect. I will hopefully be teeaching and enjoying it. But that part I am not so sure about. As for the rest of the remaining five years I don't know what to do with myself.

Books

I hate reading just to let you all know. But this book we are doing for sunday nights, I think is an exception. So far it has been an exception because I cant seem to put it down it is such an interesting book. In a good way interesting. It has been so good I cant even remember what it is about. So to whomever suggested this book, next time you suggest a book make sure it is even smaller so my mind can undrestand it. That is it for now. Keep in touch bye now.

Dogs Suck

So what a random topic well tonight I was over at a friends house. The unthinkable happened. Her dog actually chewed up my phone. I was not a happy camper. I was quite angry. But then you ask why would you leave a phone in a dogs reach. Only an idiot. Well I guess that would be me. So anyways lesson learned here for anyone who has dogs. They eat everything, pick up your junk. Enough with dogs, they make me want to hate them which I don't. They really are adorable if you get the right breed. If you get a hound dog they really like phones I wouldn't suggest them. As for the rest of them, I guess they are okay.
So I thought about going back to school this summer. Well I'm not so sure about it anymore. I'm not sure I want to go back ever. Just the kind of downhill slump I'm in right now. No parents to help me out financially with school. No my parents just think they're cool but I hate to break it to them they really do suck ass. They think they have provided for me, they just clothed and housed me. They think they educated me, nope my teachers did. They think the world of me, I don't believe them for one minute. Well I guess you can say I officially hate my parents for the life they gave me. Although it was a pretty good one, I guess. I was raised in a christian home. Went to church every freaking Sunday. Man I got tired of that. Supposedly accepted Christ when I was eight woohoo. I don't think I did. SO pray for me on that one. In fact pray for me alto gether. I love you people of the world. Keep in touch, my life is a down hill spiral right now.