UPDATE ON LIFE!!!!

So I was going through an old bible of mine from when I was in high school. What i found was rather interesting. It was one of many letters I wrote to friends and never mailed. What was interesting is that I remembered everything that I wrote. It was STORM weekend. I think I was a sophmore. It is actually kind of bizarre that I remember that. It wasn't a bad weekend. It was good. Had a bit of spiritual growth during that weekend. However, it almost seems as if the growth was only momentary. As I'm looking back, I see that as with every chance I get to grow in God. It is only momentary. What I long for is a deeper connection with God.....I'm not sure I get any closer some days....other days I think I can see growth. My question was is, Is it spritual growth if you go forwards for awhile and then spiral backswards for awhile. I don't know, friends don't know. Only God knows I guess... I am going to say that you can have growth....growth just isn't always forward. Sometimes it is backwards. I have had a hard time try ing to figure that one out.....only because I don't see any type of growth as going backwards....I see it as forwards. But sometimes our walk with God is backtracked...by constant struggles or conflict. So as I read that note/letter from when I was in high school....it got me to thinking........How much have I really grown in Christ. Have I even grown at all. Others can see the growth...I, on the other hand, cannot see the growth.
Growth is hard and difficult but IS possible. I want to grow.....really.....but does God want me to grow.....I don't know right now.